Deep sleep therapy meditation

 Thanks every one...and a new one :) this one is for just before bed only as it will knock you right out :) Hope that you are all cruising and smiling xxx

A life update- book & podcast

A brief update every one...thanks so much for your support- Be well sleep well feel well xxxxx

ASMR meditation for beginners - very simple & calming

This one is a super duper simple meditation for beginners :) Thank you for supporting me.

I have a real job- Week three

If you wish to support me please join our team at https://www.patreon.com/laurenostrowskifenton

*** For those of you new to this blog ...Hi I am Lauren mother of four, blogger, personal trainer, life coach and you tuber. This blog started out as a response to a person telling me to 'get a real job' and has become a chronicle of my glorious journey towards making my dreams happen. I speak about my family, my career, and chat about a little bit of life hacking along the way. Thank you so much for reading.

Do you ever find at times that life just whooshes straight past like a freight train leaving you reeling and some what dishevelled? 

Do you you feel that your mind overflows with exciting ideas and plans? 

Does the sensation of having purpose make you feel incredibly alive..almost tingling with anticipation?  ‘Phew’ I say, as I pause to wipe my proverbial brow.  Since we last spoke I have been flat out like a lizard drinking. And you know what? ( I say with my hands resting upon my hips) As fast and furious as life is ..it feels good ...really good to be engaged in activities which hold meaning for me. I am starting to feel like ‘me’ again. I am feeling alive, vital, and engaged; The kind of ‘alive’ which makes me  feel like I can truly sit in the present because now I know here I am going. And I know where I am going because I know who I am. And it is this sense of authentic self which allows me to be fully present in each delicious moment

(I pause to sip my tea)Oh I am sorry, how rude of me...I just started rabbiting on about myself without asking how you are?  Well how has your week been? Have you been busy? What have you been up to? Are you feeling engaged with life? I do so appreciate you taking the time to read my weekly blog and to listen to my journey. It is so lovely sharing with you. Please send me comments so that I may share in your journey.

‘Doing stuff’ can really impact our happiness.

Do you find that having stuff to do lifts your spirit? You know... that amazing moment when you lose the fear of doing ‘the stuff’ which really matters rather than treading water with the stuff which pleases others? Have you ever had a moment like that? A moment when you feel like it is time to jump off the cliff and see if you can actually fly?  Martin Seligman, the happiness theorist( one of my all time favourites), says that when we are ‘in the flow’ or caught in the moment of doing something we love we are often at our most happiest. Do you agree with Martin? How do you feel when you are doing something which you love? Well I love interacting with my viewers with purpose and engagement. I love to be involved in a conversation or forum about well being. I love being part of something bigger; a communal conversation of like minded minds if you will. all collaborating to achieve a greater good and by greater good that may not necessarily mean solving world poverty( immediately any way) A greater good can be achieved with little baby steps. For example like helping someone to just feel a little less anxious, a little fitter, or just listen to their story and lend them a shoulder.

My beautiful daughter Sage

My RemarkableMe program...

Whoo hooo My RemarkableMe program is launching in just days from now; Monday the 13th of August to be precise. The RemarkabeMe online body change program is almost full( 2 spots left get in quick) . I simply cannot wait to interact with the team and guide and brainstorm behavioural change methods in order to help all of you change your body. It is going to be just awesome. The course goes for 30 days and focuses upon achieving body goals through food planning with a focus upon cognitive change. I have so many ideas and strategies to help my team achieve their goals. I have been so incredibly lucky to be assisted by the amazing fitness gurus Anita Hearn and Andrew Thomson. Anita and Andrew will co-coach the team with me and help the team along their journey. Anita is awesome with clever hints for food preparation and snacks and has years of experience as a successful natural body builder. And Andrew has been a competitor in natural building, and a personal trainer. I chatted to some of the people who inquired through skype so I had the wonderful opportunity of speaking to a bunch of awesome people about their needs and goals from all around the world. How cool is that! It is fascinating how diet and food planning varies so much from country to country. I realise that i really enjoyed this interaction with my viewers. It was like a meet up with old friends. I have made a commitment to myself that I would like to get to know my core viewers so that we can develop a communal feel and keep my programs relevant through responding to requests and forum feedback.

Anita Hearn wow

And how is my book going?

I am waiting upon wonderful generous Patreon( I am so grateful) funding which will still need to grow a bit( maybe $2000 aud) to complete the final editing , formatting, and cover page stage...but I feel confident...and determined. I know in my heart that it will work out. I have worked hard on this book and really believe in it. As you know  it is a workbook which has so much to offer with user friendly strategies to increase a sense contentment and purpose and clarity. For now I will try to be patient and wait.

And my podcast ?

I am hoping to start recording next week in order to load to Itunes the following week. I have some great interviews already lined up which is awesome...the awesome Tara Thomas....the wise Anita Hearn, the legendary Dmitri of Massage ASMR...really beautiful amazing clever caring captivating people - it will be fascinating.

A big fat juicy hug and jumping up and down thank you to dear George Guzman

The incredibly kind and supportive George from my Patreon team sent me a black go pro. I am so excited. For the moment my children ask daily for me to open it. I would like to set aside 8 hours so that I may open it and learn to use it all at once. Every day my dear daughter Maya walks eagerly into my bedroom, which doubles as an office, and asks to use my black go Pro. I will be doing an unboxing over the next few days. Cant wait to share with you...Please share in this incredible experience with me.

And if I could have done one thing differently this week what would it be?

Actually this week has been a great week but I still think that i worry too much and still don't believe in myself 100% or rather I have moments of self doubt...and this lack of belief at times can steal time from my life( such a dismal waste). At times I can worry that a project will not work out whereas they almost always work out. Really I  should just relax and believe. My family would also benefit from me having a great sense of self belief. I will work on this on the coming week and get back to you.

So...your turn now... what would be one thing you would do differently this week...and why? I am all ears.

Andrew Thomson yay

So what goals have you set for yourself for the coming week?

If you have read or watched much of my stuff you will know that I am ‘goal obsessed’. I just love to set, plan, and neatly tick off goals. Do you set goals? Do you organise yourself to achieve tasks and objectives which support your greater goals? I use google tasks, iphone notes, and workflowy https://workflowy.com/ In order to keep me on track. Why is it important for me to set goals as a mum? I find that this goal setting is really important as a time poor multi tasking working mum with kids. I find that no matter how much i plan the kids keep upending my goals through illness, extra curricular activities, or the need to have a long hard life hacking chat late at night( when i am so tired). I find that I need to have a clear focus and prioritise may way through the jungle of daily responsibilities which i have. In this way i don't get caught up in one task but keep that balance between enjoying the moment and keeping my eye on the ball.

My goal for the next week is to get my RemarkableMe course started and firing on all cylinders and to train harder towards my body building competition in 6 weeks. I am going to work hard on preparing all my meals 24 hours in advance. I am just seriously loving my work outs at the moment.

I am also going to record my first podcast within the next week...

and I am going to take my daughters sage and Maya out for a hot chocolate at Starbucks and buy her an Ishka necklace as a special girls day out.

Life is good

Ah yes i sigh happily( I finish my cup of tea)Life is all coming together. I think the real key to my happiness is in appreciating the present through knowing who i am and accepting myself. I also believe that an essential part of knowing ourself requires us to let others have their story. that means don't take on the opinions judgment or conjecture of others; thats their stuff their baggage their stuff not ours. lets not waste life by making their story our story. We have the power to write our own story so whats stopping us? One thing only...us.

We are so blessed- I remind myself to feel grateful

and finally on a sad note

I would like to take a moment to pay tribute to a beautiful kind intelligent professional caring listening wise friend +Rafael De Haan. Today as i finally prepared my blog for publishing I have heard today that my dear friend Rafael de Haan the 'big soft rooster' has died following illness( heart attack).   So sad. So very sad. It is so important to appreciate and enjoy the company of a special soul at the time at which they shine their compassionate light...This special and giving kind man has supported me emotionally and as a good friend for several years. He has donated to my Patreon he has written me many many many emails, commented on my you tube videos, and made many wise suggestions regarding my artistic and business endeavours. I have always enjoyed his letters, his wit, and his ever ready empathy. Dear Rafael I am truly blessed to have had your wise soul light up my life for this time. I thank God for bringing you into my life. Rafael I love you so much. You were such a rock to me. Tears...tears....gratitude...so much gratitude...you always wrote to inspire me..despite your pain and occasional personal health struggles..As I type it has started to rain outside...I used to write to you and describe the view through my window to you...especially the rain...you loved to hear about the rain....and now somehow it has started raining...it is raining now...tears.

So until next week...

My dear friends Love to you all, Train hard, meditate regularly, hug your loved ones, and maintain boundaries when required. xxx Booyah to you! (as my sons Max and Seth would say as they uppercut the air).

If you would like to support me please join our team at https://www.patreon.com/laurenostrowskifenton

RemarkableMe body change 30 day course

 Hi there friends -Here is some more info on the RemarkableMe course...still a couple of spots left. Applications close Thursday. Yes thats right this thursday. This is really about holding your hand through the process of food planning in order to achieve goals and learn how to maintain your results. Together with reporting back regarding your exercise meditation and yoga. You get to be up close and personal with me and I will share some of my fitness tips with you. And of course there will be oodles of resources on body change, yoga and cardio health and fitness. I guarantee that you will gain heaps from this incredible course :)   Email me at laurenostrowskifenton@gmail.com for more information.

How to stand to be happy

This one is really important Although it may not appear so. So often we put our head down and close our rib cage in response to the weight of the world whereas it is our posture which is actually effecting how happy we feel! I loved doing this one :) I really notice how i am standing and how this effects my sense of self. Open yourself up to possibility and abundance with a straight back :) Love to you all. Will blog tomorrow...

Self inquiry meditation asmr

Do you every feel that sometimes the noise in your mind is so loud that you cant hear yourself think? I do.



Sometimes we need to stop, cut the clutter, stop sweating the small stuff and listen to the silence and then the answers become apparent to us. But the strange thing is sometimes we realise that they were there all the time we just couldn't see them. I know that I have been guilty of looking beyond for what is within myself. Hope all is well. Wishing you silence. My love to all of you :)

I have a real job - week two

 SUPPORT ME HERE   COME ONBOARD and join in the fun of my awesome Patreon team- ​https://www.patreon.com/laurenostrowskifenton 

Sitting by Seth's side ...

 Hi there, I am Lauren; 50 year old mother of four, video creator, blogger, meditation teacher, personal trainer, counsellor, and more. 
My dear friends; welcome to my unplugged weekly blog.

This morning I write to you from my comfy meditation chair, with my son Seth tucked up in bed at my side. Seth is home from school with a painful shoulder.  He woke up this morning not able to freely move and in a lot of pain...poor little mite. Perhaps he slept in a funny position? Or perhaps he hurt his shoulder playing basketball yesterday? Either way he is in way too much pain to go to school. ...so into bed he goes. And speaking of kids staying home... yesterday I had my daughter Sage also stay home. Sage had two stubborn baby teeth removed at the dentist yesterday in order to make way for her adult teeth. Her cliff hanging two front incisors have been overlapping the baby teeth giving her a quirky vampire look. Sage is really really scared of injections... in fact you may comfortably call her phobic. So it took some cajoling to get her to submit to the dentist's various attempts at providing pain relief. Finally I offered her the incentive(bribe?)of having her nails done. As the dentist stuck that great big fat scary needle into Sage's little tiny mouth I heard Sage mumble almost incoherently ‘French-polish Mum’. I am so proud of her. 

My brave girl

Do you have kids? And if you do have kids- how many children do you have? Most of you know that I have four children including twin boys.  Are you like me? Do you find the work-life balance a little harrowing at times? Are you time-poor like me( time-bankrupt would be closer to my truth)? And how do you cope? Or are you one of those super duper parents( able to jump tall buildings in a single bound) who never put a foot wrong, are always organised, and have a clean microwave? Well I can safely reassure you that that is definitely not me. I am more like a tentative two steps forward and one step back type of mum. I have a joke among some of my close friends that I am the tortoise rather than the hare of you tube and business development.  I might be painfully slow and steady but always resolute and no one can stop me. 

Do you find it challenging to set goals and actually achieve them? Last week I spoke to you a little about my occasional frustration( I refrain from swearing in a blog) at trying to develop a sustainable business model for a well being business while simultaneously being the primary carer of 4 brilliant beautiful amazing kids.  Do you find that although you may try a number of methods to achieve a productive work-day sometimes kids just throw a spanner into the mix and all you can do is shrug your shoulders and laugh? Well This week I am definitely laughing.  LOL!

Its all worth it!

Being a mum of four I try to schedule everything I do from my daily morning 4.30 am weight training session to making meals to teeth brushing to the uploading schedule of my videos and blogs.  Don’t get me wrong I am not saying that my organisational approach to parenting and work means that life runs according to plan because that would be plain ridiculous..but well you know the saying...'failing to plan is planning to fail’. Goals are like my rudder on a stormy sea...so If I schedule my videos for uploading on a Thursday then I know that it will be done no later than Friday. If I plan to train at 4.30 am nine times out of ten it happens. Always keep your eye on the ball my friends no matter how much fitness and agility that may require.

So scheduling keeps me on my ‘goal’ toes with my eye on the ball. Saying that Monday is my scheduled day to upload my weekly blog and I am now a day behind. Eeek! And true to the nature of my sometimes frenetic life this morning was a wild crazy day. I arose at 4 am feeling quite tired but enthusiastic about training. At 4.30 am I was at the gym pumping iron with my dear friend and training partner. We did 'back and biceps' this morning. We only have 55 days left until the competition date ( yes I have a phone app which counts down the days!)  so we are starting to both feel nervous and at the same time quite excited. For those of you who did not tune into last week's blog I am aiming to compete in a natural body building competition on September 20 http://www.inba.com.au/ and October 3rd http://www.anb.com.au/ I have competed 8 times in the past and really love the discipline, the camaraderie, and mixing with the many friendly supportive people I meet along the way. ( Thank you Anita my friend) I do love the journey of the training, nutrition, and anticipation of the day also. Though I am a teeny weeny little bit nervous about possibly being the oldest woman on stage.

My dream journey

  Speaking about goals...Here is a list in no particular order of what I have achieved this week toward realising my incredible dream of changing people's lives ..oh and creating a 'real job' while I am at it. 

1.  I visited my awesome life coach Louise who wisely cautioned me ‘Stop the blitz kreig Lauren everything will work out- you have the skills now so take it one step at a time, Whether you have time or whether you do not have time always visualise that you do and behave that way’ I felt that these were wise words indeed so have focussed this week on letting go of my need to adhere to self imposed time lines. 
2. I achieved a video about back mobility( took me 8 hours). I am really passionate about back health and making back health achievable for all levels. I plan to add more to this series. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEi126Nxxk4 
3. I achieved a video about relaxation( took me 6 hours). These videos are uploaded weekly https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CN7zWrjGtdI 
4. I have read everything I can about podcasting in preparation to launch my podcast on the 16th August. And the count down begins....
5. I joined Lybsyn.com and here( drum roll) is my brand new podcast website with nothing on it lol! http://beingwellwithlauren.libsyn.com/podcast 
6. I joined http://www.entrepreneuronfire.com/ with the awesome John Lee Dumas. The site is packed full of handy insightful podcasting hints. I am just loving this association. 
7. In preparation for my upcoming podcast I watched Tom Merrit http://www.tommerritt.com/ and Tim Ferris http://fourhourworkweek.com/2015/01/29/alex-blumberg/ before going to sleep each night. I noticed what set them apart is their incredible sense of dedication and self belief( apart from their talent)
8.  I wrote a business plan ( yep I am that serious- I love a business plan that i can tick along the way) 
9. I started a closed patreon team facebook page to encourage motivate and inspire my team. I am really enjoying interacting with my members and planning goals together.
10. How is the book going I hear you ask? Well thank you so much for asking. The book is looking great with 8 chapters and 77,000 words.  YES I am working hard on the book but it is a huge project. I will be uploading a sneek peek audio soon of me reading from the book.  I will need to raise funds to finish it so another hurdle but such is life.  I can do this( Thank you Patreon). 
11. The amazing DMITRI of massage asmr https://www.patreon.com/massageasmr has agreed to do the intro to my podcast...whoooaaa and YAAAAAYYY!!!!! I say jumping up and down with excitement. He will be one of my first interviews. 
12.  I plan to start the podcast Aug 16th.  Soooo excited.

Does it sound to you like I am motivated, resolute, and on track? Well let me balance out the scales and share some of my vulnerable soft underbelly with you...Do you ever have those moments when you feel totally crest fallen? Do you ever have those moments when you desperately need reassurance? Well I had a big doozy yesterday. Yesterday I was learning how to load a podcast step by step (scary scary scary) and I felt quite overwhelmed.... for a moment I found myself asking 

'Can I really do this?'

I then said to myself...

'I don't understand technology. Audio visual terrifies me. Who am I kidding? Who will ever want to listen to me?

Consequently looking for a reassuring shoulder I turned to a trusted well meaning( but quite conservative half glass empty) friend and asked for advice. After pausing for some seconds he then responded sombrely to my plea for validation...

"but other people who have a podcast actually have artistic talent. You don't have any artistic talent at all- why would people want to listen to you? ’

What a lead balloon! Holy cow!!! I took several moments to breathe and then pick my proverbial jaw up off the floor. And then I thought about why do some people have such a doubtful( to say the least) view of others who are simply trying to make a go of it? Why is that? What do you think? Why are we at times so quick to tear each other down? Why is 'I cant' or  'you can't' sometimes part of our routine internal dialogue? 

Why don't we say instead... 

'good on you!!! Have a go, Yay -You can do it, Believe in yourself, You have this in the bag.????

Why why why????

After speaking with my friend  and then spending a time crying and ruminating about whether I had what it takes to start a podcast, I then dried my eyes, sat down, and carefully wrote down what my artistic talents are, and why I believed that my podcast would provide real value for others. 

My list came down to three core elements; I believe that I can provide value, I have strategy, and I am resilient. Thats it in a nutshell. Thats what sets me apart. I will never give up and if one method fails well 'heck harry' I will simply try another. 

If you have a dream then make it happen!

Define yourself my friends

Turning to my well meaning friend was a mistake; a mistake I chose to make. For a short period of time I based my self worth on the opinion of another person and lost minutes of meaning from my life. That was my choice; my bag. One thing that we must never ever do to ourselves is to allow others to define us no matter how well meaning they are. 

My amazing dad and mentor once said to me that there is a clear difference between a leader and a follower....a follower will look upon a leader standing upon the stage of life and may say . 

‘heh thats not fair he/she does not deserve to be there'

...a true leader may say 

'good on him/her for being up there, now then....( rubbing hands) what can I learn from her/him? 

So as I said last week ...to the person who said to me 

'Go and get a real job' 

I shrug my shoulders and say in response 

'I have a real job my friend and that is being a mum and despite the ups and downs I do my real job pretty darn well thank you very much.' 

Part of being a mum is showing my children that dreams are possible all we need to do is believe in ourselves. Part of being a mum is to never never ever let some one else's petty judgment define us. Part of being a mum is not to allow the opinion of others to falter our step. At the end of the day I know that I can do this. I feel it deep in my gut.I know that I have the skills, the dedication, and the resilience to do this. 

Do you have a dream? Do you have something you really want to achieve? Well what is stopping you? If you find yourself saying ‘ some one said I cant do it’ slap your wrist right now. Remember we only have one life..this is it..Don't let someone else define you. 

JUST DONT!!!!!! Choose to define yourself. Look up onto that stage of life, decide to get up there, and then say with your head held high 

‘how can I get up there?’ 

and then get those little tortoise legs of yours churning. 

No matter how many times you fall off that stage just keep on getting right back up . 

 Thanks so much for reading my blog my friends - have an awesome week. Catch ya next week.

Catch you next week . 

SUPPORT ME HERE - CLICK HERE TO COME ONBOARD and join my awesome Patreon team and join in the fun- ​https://www.patreon.com/laurenostrowskifenton

I have a real job!

CLICK HERE TO COME ONBOARD ​https://www.patreon.com/laurenostrowskifenton WARNING- I HAVE LEFT THE FOLLOWING UN SPELL CHECKED WITH NO EDITING I have recently written this letter to send to my dear friends and patreon supporters individually to each one- as an explanation...It all started as a timid explanation...almost an apology....And then after some thought it all got bigger and became an avalanche....and I rolled with it...I decided to place it here....and then i thought 'heck why stop there?????' and I have placed it actually everywhere. and today i went mad placing this letter everywhere blogging face booking tumbling stumbling you name it I did it! This is my vulnerable, motivated, inspired real self in all my raw 'weird' unspell-checked glory. yes i am weird!!! I am really weird and that is ok... and that is why i am who I am and that is soooooo ok. In future i will share this with you...all this about me.....how I am wierd and just how that is ok ....but for now I say this.....I am ok you are ok and we are ok...and dont let any body tell you different. DONT LET THEIR STORY BECOME YOUR STORY!!!!!! Thank you for taking time out of your day to read this :) I am a mum of four young kids...AND I AM SO LUCKY!!!!! I am a personal trainer. A counsellor. a writer, a blogger.......I do voluntary work....and so much much more...and then occasionally someone.... a particular someone...tells me to ‘get a real job’ and calls me 'weird' and other not so nice names that i wont list here....and I feel guilty. I actually listen!!!! They write to me , tell me, write to others, tell others. And I feel shame and self doubt. Sometimes I feel anxious. And sometimes a little voice inside me has said “you have little worth Lauren” or ‘ you can't do this’ and then there was a trigger...a final trigger... the trigger came in the form of unkind comment to me and amanda palmer.... in the last week the someone has told me again ....‘get a real job!!!’ ....and I felt bad...i felt really bad and wanted to give up...and then I found “Amanda Palmer” and I cried ...and I cried as I watched her http://www.ted.com/talks/amanda_palmer_the_art_of_asking?language=en AWESOME AWESOME Ted talks and her Patreon and her You Tubes. I loved the story of the eight foot bride so much!!!!!! Tears came my friend; torrents of tears flowed. And i thought to myself...”I HAVE A %$#*&^%* JOB!!!!!!!...and i am proud of being weird~!!!my job is to help make others feel ok about who they are and i am good at my job”..I CREATE VIDEOS PODCASTS LETTERS POSTS volunteer work AND lots of stuff....and ALMOST MY FIRST work book BOOK TO HELP OTHERS....( so close to being ready) https://www.patreon.com/laurenostrowskifenton I can do this. Help me to do this. I can ask for help now. 50 cents per month. Just .50 cents....Lets be a team...an 'us' a 'we' together as a team...Help me to do this. READ ON.... I HAVENT FINISHED....IN FACT I AM ONLY JUST STARTING... This is the letter I have sent my friends yesterday....my way of trying to explain Now I am going to hold my head up high. I do a massive amount of charity work, I help the marginalised, people experiencing homelessness, I give away my meditations...AND THAT IS &^%$#@*( MY JOB! So come with me on this journey my friends. Believe in me and I promise I won’t let you down. I am not going to hold back any more. I am going to be me and tell you the real journey of me. Click here... https://www.patreon.com/laurenostrowskifenton I WANT TO FINISH MY AWESOME BOOK AND DO SO SO SO MUCH MORE GIVE ME THE FREEDOM TO CREATE ​ ​Ok here is the letter.... Dear .....( sent out individually)My family and I thank you with all our hearts.....for staying with us. thank you!!!! Firstly I would like to do acrobatic somersaults with intermittent yelps of raucous delight thanking you for staying on board Patreon https://www.patreon.com/laurenostrowskifenton?ty=... ( or any other way you are supporting us) over these last months during which I have been largely absent. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. As you are my prime ‘take no prisoners’ supporters I am going to come right out and be candid with you. I am going to share with you what I am working towards achieving. I will not be this candid on any other forum. I see you as my team, my captive audience, and my friends. I trust you. Over the last 5 years I have been trying to find a sustainable method to support my 4 children, while still being a ‘I am here for you’ mum, and trying to honor who I am as a unique soul. This is not so easy ...as my children are young and there are some behind the scenes ‘hairy’ challenges. I am extremely positive, passionate, and full of ideas but so far none of my ideas have provided a workable solution. When I am knocked over I jump right back up. ...Soon after my marriage ended I completed my Masters in Counselling at Monash University hoping to get a job. Yet I soon discovered that the only jobs I could get which could support a family of five were in the city of Melbourne. I am based regionally 75 minutes drive from the city without allowing for the horrors of peak traffic. This meant I would have to hire a nanny and would be away from the home from around 5.45 am until 7.30 pm with possible after hours and shift work. Saying that I have applied for well upwards of 200 jobs. Yes I actually count them. I continue to look for jobs yet I feel that this would not prove to provide the best outcome for my kids. So.... not discouraged I tried hard( oh so very hard) to grow a home personal training business and/or counselling business. But after losing my beautiful personal training & yoga studio following my marriage ending people were not so keen to come to a domestic home. I also had no money for advertising, and would not advertise my home address on free advertising websites. Also my children struggled( 'oh' how they struggled) to be quiet while I counselled in the house. Following an occasion ( not the first by a long way- so many funny stories there) during which my twins walked into a therapeutic healing meditation asking loudly for potato chips I saw that this option was not so viable. I thought of making a living from youtube but this is quite difficult to do. It is also not culturally acceptable to ask for money directly through youtube. You Tube is culturally perceived as a free service. While I love to provide free creations and will continue to do so with gusto, and have also done years of volunteer work I cannot exchange these services for the boys basketball, bead and milk, or medical insurance. (pity)I have considered going to the local shopping centre and offering a sleep therapy for food but I doubt that my offer will be accepted( yes I am joking). There are also many trolls on youtube and I would prefer to work with a smaller captive audience who are legitimately interested in listening to me and who I am so that I may create relevant material which answers listeners core and personal needs. Despite these challenges I would not give up. So just prior to my 50th birthday I chose to write my first book( 4 years after my marriage ending). This has been a dream of mine for a long time. I devoted many daily hours, days, and months to writing this book. I loved loved loved the process. This is a book of my personal story, my day to day family life, and also a user friendly workbook to help others( individuals and families) to learn to practice happiness daily. I am very happy with the book. It will help many people. The book is currently 77,000 words with 40 exercises and it is largely finished. I am very excited about the book but it need several weeks of final editing with my editor and then I will learn how to load this on Amazon. I can do this. During this recent process I have had the kids sick with a virus, the boys had tonsils out, my daughter had a major bullying issue at school which required many school visits letters, and contact to the education board over several weeks. I have had the boys with Sever's disease( a non serious rapid growth condition), my daughter with a back problem, and my other daughter with a persistent allergy. And of course I take my role as mum very seriously. I am highly goal driven and organised but time is something I really don't have. I am so incredibly grateful that I am a mum of four amazing children. Every day I feel lucky and every day I take time to be with my children and help with their development. It is also incredibly tiring but wonderful. There are also some interesting challenges behind the scenes which we work with positively as a family. And....And over the last several weeks I have experienced another challenge( yippee). I am grateful for this challenge as it has made me realise that I have to be really serious about moving forward and being a little more ruthless with my career. I have to be able to ask for support and be grateful for that support. So saying that( and thank you so much for reading this far) And here( drum roll...)is my direction I will continue to work hard each day on the book to complete it as quickly as possible but not before I feel it is truly ready. I am training now for another bodybuilding competition. Most of you know that I have competed many times in the past. I find natural body building very grounding and it helps me to focus upon the task at hand. I love serious training- it gives me spiritual strength, health and direction. It reminds me who I am as a unique soul. I have gone back to loading regular videos. I love creating free videos. However I will now be more candid in videos in a positive way in order to support my core viewers rather than attempt to please the masses. I will be asking subscribers to subscribe to my podcast and I will continue to produce You tube videos for free. (excitement here.....Yay!!!) I am currently in the final stages of producing a twice weekly podcast. I will be asking podcast subscribers in the intro to donate $1 per month to Patron. I would like subscribers 'in for the long haul' so I feel that $1 per month is sustainable for everyone.( However there will remain options for payment)My podcast will be about uplifting stories about my personal life with a focus upon well being presented in a quiet relaxing voice with high quality binaural audio. I will be also interviewing people with interesting theories on happiness and well being in a quiet relaxing voice with high quality binaural audio. I will continue to work daily on my book with passion( it will be out soon and I will keep you informed) My prime focus as always will be.... every single day- my beautiful children. I will sleep every night for 8 hours and meditate each day as I am doing currently. ( We cant help others if we don't help ourselves) My focus will be building a captive team of $1 per month donations and sponsors through the podcast. I want the subscriptions to be possible and affordable for everyone. I will see my patreon team https://www.patreon.com/laurenostrowskifenton?ty=... and my podcast subscribers as my friends, supporters, and my own personal team. This is where I will place my energies now passionately and candidly. Thank you for reading :)I wanted to share this with you and again say THANK YOU. I will prioritise communication, letter responses, and future directions with my Patreon and podcast subscribers. I will keep you informed now of all upcoming news and let you know when the podcast is starting( not long...sooooooo excited). With much humility and gratitude thank you for staying on this journey. With love from Lauren Maya Sage Max and Seth